As a psychotherapist specializing in part in sex, dating, and relationships, I see a lot of single people who are searching for love or at least a good guy or gal to get to know. I help them write their online profiles, figure out who would be a good match, overcome date anxiety, and of course, face their fear of being rejected and never finding Mr. or Ms. Right.

In helping them navigate the wild world of dating, I hear their complaints, and there are many. Overwhelmingly, the biggest one from the guys is about who should pay on a date and also how to deal with people they take out who don’t thank them or are seemingly ungrateful. These fellows have good careers and earn decent salaries, and they’re fed up. They actually fear that they will go broke and they’ll be liked not for who they are, but for where they might take their date or how much they spend.  Read the entire Huffington Post.

Many of my female patients say they are frustrated that they can’t achieve orgasm when they are with their partners. They’ve read how-to sex manuals, taken herbal concoctions — some have even gotten their hands on Viagra to try and get things moving. Click here to read the entire column.

Ah, the orgasm. To many it is necessary for everyday living and easy to achieve. But for countless others it is elusive. Many female patients tell me they can’t achieve an orgasm when they are with their partners and they are frustrated. They’ve read how-to sex manuals, taken herbal concoctions, and some have even gotten their hands on Viagra and tried that. Usually after several visits to medical professionals they see me to explore non-medical factors that might be contributing to inability to orgasm.
I start the session with one simple question: Can you bring yourself to orgasm? The answer is usually a resounding “yes”. This answer proves that physically these women are just fine as their bodies respond to certain stimuli and are able to orgasm. This tells me that the issue is in their mind and how they think about sex, their partners, and themselves. Similar to fear and anxiety, by changing the way they think about a situation it can make all the difference in the world.

Here’s how to achieve that glorious orgasm:

• See this issue as an opportunity to improve rather than as a problem. It’s a time to expand your sexual horizons and learn what works. Remember, you’ve already proven to yourself that an orgasm is biologically possible. So before tweaking your technique it is important to feel comfortable with your body telling yourself that you can enjoy an orgasm, while feeling good about taking care of your needs.
• Accept the notion that sex is more than just a methodical process, and much of what stands between a toy-induced orgasm and one with your partner occurs in your head.
• Know that the formula for a fulfilling orgasm with a non-mechanical device includes more than just an adjustment of speed and intensity. An emotional bond, comfort, closeness, being in-sync with each others bodies, and romance are crucially important while popping Viagra is probably about as effective as eating cherries.
• Do not focus solely on technique or the genitals. This will only lead to anxiety and tension – both of which are incompatible with relaxing and letting yourself go.
• Realize that there is

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Wedding season is upon us, and sure enough, with that, a host of issues is brought up that can wreak havoc on what is supposed to be a wonderful day. Throughout the year, a lot of soon-to-be married couples come to me for pre-wedding stress and anxiety. This stress can come very close to breaking up the engagement and open up family issues to the point where people go radio silent on each other. I have yet to meet anyone who tells me that their wedding planning was easy and without incident. So accept the notion that stress is normal when it comes to weddings and that fear underlies much of it. Read entire Huffington Post column.

For many people, going to the gym is a way of life, a necessity to feel good. They join a gym so they can stick with a routine. For others, though, they buy a membership, yet hardly ever go. Fear underlies this lack of follow-through. For these people, they don’t like the way they look or feel, so they get a gym membership with the best of intentions, but then can’t go because they fear all eyes will be on them. They feel judged. They feel they’re being talked about or even laughed at by others. Click here to read the entire Huffington Post column.

Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of three years last year and got involved with my current boyfriend just a few weeks later. I don’t have contact with my ex but I still hold a grudge against him and find myself getting angry when I think about him. It affects my current relationship because I blame my new boyfriend for issues related to my ex. My new boyfriend is a great guy and I know he doesn’t deserve this. How can I get over my ex and move on for good?
Read here for answer.

I broke up with my boyfriend of three years last year and got involved with my current boyfriend just a few weeks later. I don’t have contact with my ex but I still hold a grudge against him and find myself getting angry when I think about him. It affects my current relationship because I blame my new boyfriend for issues related to my ex. My new boyfriend is a great guy and I know he doesn’t deserve this. How can I get over my ex and move on for good?

It’s not surprising that the person with whom you spent three years of your life is still on your mind a year later. He’s someone you likely confided in, shared a life with, and with whom you thought you had a future. I can only speculate that you moved from one relationship to the next far too quickly. When a relationship ends time is needed to grieve, reflect, and process so that issues don’t go unresolved and spill into the next relationship. Clearly, this is what’s happening with you.

To get over your ex and gain closure, take responsibility for your actions in the relationship. Ask yourself: how might my behavior and attitude have impacted on us? What was your role in the relationship? If you could go back and do it again, what would you change about yourself? Now is the time to own up to whatever these things are.

As long as you continue to view the relationship through an old lens, you’ll continue to be held hostage by the past, whether it was three years ago or thirty years. The issue here is one of control: a grudge leads to anger and resentment that may energize you, giving you the illusion of control. This is your mind’s way of protecting you from re-experiencing the situation. The grudge may also be your way of holding your ex responsible for the downfall of the relationship. In your mind, to forgive might be to let the person off too easily. To shake this thinking ask yourself: 1.) Can …

In this day and age of self-diagnosis via the Internet, it seems that everyone can find something wrong with themselves by conducting a simple search of symptoms online. Sadly, even young people fall prey to this. I often hear from parents who are concerned about their children constantly complaining about their health. The parents don’t know how to handle this and wonder if the children might be hypochondriacs and ask if young people can even have such a disorder. These parents are highly anxious and fearful that they are the cause of their child’s health worries.
Yes, a young person can be a hypochondriac. Read the entire Huffington Post column here.

In this day and age of self-diagnosis via the Internet, it seems that everyone can find something wrong with themselves by conducting a simple search of symptoms online.  Sadly, even young people fall prey to this.  I often hear from parents who are concerned about their children constantly complaining about their health. The parents don’t know how to handle this and wonder if the children might be hypochondriacs and ask if young people can even have such a disorder.  These parents are highly anxious and fearful that they are the cause of their child’s health worries.

Yes, a young person can be a hypochondriac.  Before accepting such a diagnosis though, parents should talk to their child’s physician about the complaints in order to rule out any legitimate physical issues.  They should also consider whether anyone near the child may have been ill, as the child may be worried about catching an illness.  Encourage the child to speak about his/her fears, and talk to them in a reassuring way about good health, and provide information as to why he or she isn’t sick.  This will turn anxiety into knowledge.

Parents should consider that a child who shows signs of hypochondria might be using it as a way of getting attention and/or avoiding something unpleasant such as chores or going to school.  Think about how you can provide healthy attention to a child.

Children imitate their role-models, primarily their parents.  That said, parents should think about how they handle their own health issues and complaints and whether a child is simply repeating what he hears and observes.  Parents can make a huge difference in whether their child’s symptoms of hypochondria persist or not.  Teach kids in a fun way about how strong the body is and the magical powers it has to heal, repair, and fight infection.  If the child has a cut or belly ache, compliment him on being brave and strong and make sure not to reward complaints as this will only reinforce the negative behavior.

This question, believe it or not, is one I’ve heard so many times throughout my career from parents of male toddlers. They express concern over their son who likes to play with dolls, comb its hair, talk about how beautiful the doll is, and wonder whether their son’s early interest in fashion might mean he is gay. Behind these concerns is fear. Fear of what life might be like for their son if indeed he is gay. Fear that maybe they are responsible for their son’s sexual orientation. Fear that they might be looked at negatively or judged by others.

Playing with dolls is a perfectly healthy behavior for a male toddler. No different than a female playing with dolls, a part of normal development and entirely consistent with a toddler’s vivid imagination and creativity. Further, there’s no connection between this behavior and homosexuality, and certainly there’s nothing to worry about if he were gay. Caring for dolls and adoring their beauty shows a child’s tender side and this should be celebrated by parents, not feared. Chances are, he is imitating the parent’s nurturing behaviors and showing responsibility by taking care of the doll.

Although society and culture attempt to dictate what’s considered “normal” and what isn’t for each gender, ultimately the traits most desired are those from both genders. Ideally, a well-balanced child is what most parents want. For example, a child who possesses gentleness, strength, assertiveness, and sensitivity. Play is one way in which these skills and traits are developed.

Parents should be supportive and encourage well-roundedness in their children and not show alarm or make their sons feel bad about their behavior. A wide range of toys and activities should be offered from Barbie to baseball. Opportunities through play dates should be provided for him to participate in nongender-specific activities with boys and girls.

Finally, parents should expand their focus beyond societal-based gender roles and continue to be loving and supportive to their little tots.