How often have you met someone new and been won over by their charm? Or perhaps there’s a rising star at work who seems to do everything right and knows just what to say, never missing a beat in his or her flawlessness. Or maybe you have a friend who always seems to get his or her needs met through you, yet always manages to find a way to make you feel special. Read entire Huffington Post article here.
With the new year underway, many people might see it as a time to move forward by improving their relationships, both professional and romantic. It’s a good time to hit the reset button and take that step towards resolving past conflict. Crucial to accomplishing this is to make amends and issue an apology for wrongdoings. As a psychotherapist and executive coach, I help clients who get into trouble — whether with their spouse or the public. There’s a right way to issue an apology, and of course, a wrong way. Click here to read entire column.
2015 is here and if you’re like a lot of people, you’ve probably set your sights on losing weight and getting into the best shape of your life. Maybe you’ve even told yourself the same thing in years past and picked up the latest diet book and put into action whatever is recommended, no matter how preposterous the suggestion was. Read the entire Huffington Post column here.
“My boyfriend and I moved in together a few months ago. We’ve been together for two years and thought we were ready. We get along great in every way, but there’s one small problem that’s developed: I can’t get him to help out around the apartment and do chores. He isn’t lazy, but he just doesn’t move a finger to help. I get on his case and find myself yelling at him, calling him a slob. I’ve even withheld sex.The dynamic seems to have changed and our relationship is suffering. This leads to major fights and is ruining our relationship. What should I do?” Read the answer here.
Think of someone who makes you feel comfortable and relaxed no matter how chaotic your life may be. Someone who makes you feel that all is right with the world even if it may be crashing down in front of you. When you need comfort, who do you turn to? My guess is whoever this person, he or she possesses one vitally important trait: good listening skills. Being a good listener can be the difference that makes the difference in so many areas in life. Read the entire Huffington Post column here.
Here’s a link to me commenting on the Today Show for a story about motorcycle gangs:
Now that November is here, we’re headed full steam ahead towards Thanksgiving and for many people, the throes of family drama. By virtue of family gatherings, conflicts intensify, old wounds are opened, and tensions rise. Frankly, for some people they’re only interacting with certain people because it is forced upon them by these gatherings. As such, I see an uptick in patients coming to me in anticipation of these gatherings.
Here’s how to keep your sanity this Thanksgiving:
Forget perfectionism. The moment you believe that you need to pull off the perfect holiday gathering or, even worse, have the perfect family, is the moment you set yourself up for disaster. Nothing and no one is perfect. It’s entirely normal for families to have their flaws, colorful characters, and black sheep. Just the same, even the most carefully planned holiday meal can sometimes encounter a hiccup or two…or worse. Accept and embrace it. By adjusting your expectations, you’re less likely to be disappointed and stressed should something not go according to plan, and you’ll also take the pressure off yourself.
Forget about winning the argument. Although you might feel compelled to drive your point home, ask yourself, “is it really worth it?” Consider the emotional cost of doing so. Instead, simply acknowledge the differences and move on. Remember, sometimes it really isn’t worth it to win the battle but lose the war.
Avoid highly sensitive topics. If in the past certain topics have proven to be anxiety provoking, stress-inducing, or simply uncomfortable, then dodge them. Avoid such hot button topics as Obama’s health care program, a divorce in the family, or other emotion-laden topics and stick with safer subjects.
Don’t feel intimidated by know-it-all relatives. Every family has one…or more. Dealing with them is simple. Ignore them. Understand what’s going on inside their mind: they crave attention and feed off an audience. The audience reinforces their behavior. If they don’t get the reinforcement, then they’ll eventually get tired of hearing themselves talk and will stop.
Don’t personalize unsolicited advice from relatives. Sometimes aunts, uncles, and cousins think they know best. There’s a big difference though between wanting what’s best for you and knowing what’s best for you. Make a distinction between the two. Sure, they want to see you get married, have kids, and have a good career – but they probably don’t know exactly what you deal with on a daily basis so it’s easy for them to dish out advice or tell you what to do. To avoid getting upset by this, simply acknowledge their concern thank them, and move on.
Drink and eat in moderation. Drinking in excess will lower your inhibitions which could potentially fuel arguments, diminish your happy mood, and make you feel lousy. Similarly, too much food can make you feel bloated, irritable, and tired. Only consume what you know you can handle, not what you think you can handle.
Exercise. For many people exercise is the best form of dealing with stress and maintaining good mental health. Make sure you include it during your holiday. That may mean excusing yourself to go for a run or to complete an exercise routine. Do it even if people look at you funny. Better that than feeling miserable.
Disappointment is a normal aspect of life, and it doesn’t discriminate. Whether you’re rich, poor, educated, uneducated, young, old, or somewhere in the middle, disappointment happens and it knows no bounds.
Read the entire Huffington Post column here.
Although not formally recognized by the medical establishment, compulsive shopping can be a big problem and it’s one that is on the rise in my practice. Shopping becomes a compulsion when it is excessive and out of control, and leads to social, legal, or financial troubles. Click here to read entire column.