Should you worry about your partner’s self-lovin’?

My boyfriend masturbates all the time. He has no problem doing it around me and it seems our sex life has declined as a result. For various reasons I really think its wrong and don’t understand why he does it at all and I feel he’s cheating on me in a way.

First, to dispel any myths about masturbation: he won’t go blind, break out in acne, or grow hair on his palms. While many view masturbation as a perfectly healthy, normal act, others disagree. Perhaps due to strict religious views where feelings of guilt and shame are far more powerful than any momentary pleasure. In that case, guilt –ridden orgasms certainly aren’t healthy.

There are many reasons your boyfriend may masturbate. Some of the benefits, besides it being “sex with someone you love” as Woody Allen suggested, are to: relieve stress, induce sleep, strengthen muscle tone in the genital area, and it helps you become more aware of your sexual likes and dislikes, and quite simply, it’s a safe, efficient sexual outlet where one can fantasize.

The apparent rift his hand has caused in this relationship is worth exploring. Your belief that he’s cheating, frankly, is ludicrous. For the record, he’s not cheating, but rather participating in a self-contained pleasure-inducing activity; one that he knew long before meeting you. Personalizing his masturbation and seeing it as rejection paints him as a bad guy and doesn’t lead to a healthy exploration of the role you play in improving the relationship.

Sure, your sex life may have declined as a result of his masturbation, however, consider this possibility: In his mind the quality of sex may be lacking and that is leading to his increased masturbation. Have an open and frank discussion with your man and take a look at your respective drives, the quality and excitement, and frequency of sex. Tweaking these areas may improve compatibility and make him less reliant on self-stimulation. Finally, view masturbation as your friend rather than foe and open your mind to the benefits outlined above, which could enhance your sex life. You might even find mutual masturbation to be both satisfying and an additional way to connect with your man.

Jonathan Alpert is a licensed psychotherapist. Find him on Facebook and Twitter, and look for his new book, "BE FEARLESS: Change Your Life in 28 Days," this April.