Did you marry a momma’s boy?

Whenever there is an issue between my mother-in-law and me, my husband refuses to stand up for me. How do I get him to value our relationship at least as much as he does with his mother? How can I just get along better with my mother-in-law?

This issue is about you and your husband, not you and his mother. To change how you feel about this situation you must change your thinking. For starters, see it as a good thing that he has a strong relationship and values his mother — it’s not a competition. Focus on what you can control: your relationship, not theirs. Talk to him when things are calm. Acknowledge how important his mother is to him and mention something you like about her. Let him know how important he is to you and how you value him and his support. Express that when issues arise between you and his mother you don’t always feel you get that from him. Ultimately you want the same thing: to have your needs and expectations met and to feel understood. The more united you and your husband are on issues, the less likely that a rift will exist between you and your mother-in-law.

Here are some general tips for getting along better with your mother-in-law:

• Don’t harp on issues. She’s probably set in her ways.
• Be respectful and keep in mind that she did bring your husband into the world.
• Thank her for raising such a great son.
• Allow space for her to spend private time with your husband.
• Keep your relationship problems between you and your husband. Don’t try to garner support from an in-law as it’s unlikely to yield anything positive.
• Discuss boundaries with your husband as they pertain to your in-laws. Agree on what’s acceptable and what’s unacceptable in regard to sharing information with them.
• Get to know her. She’s more than just your husband’s mother. She potentially brings a wealth of life experience and interests.

Jonathan Alpert is a licensed psychotherapist. Find him on Facebook and Twitter, and look for his new book, "BE FEARLESS: Change Your Life in 28 Days," this April.